Battered: a novel post about a bloody good face cream


I work in a nice restaurant; and whilst the food might not be battered, my face often meets this description – thanks to late nights and burning 5.30am questions from an inquisitive five year old.

My log of ‘questions/comments that really could wait until after sunrise’:

“Mummy, when I get married my girlfriend will wear a dress like our friend Dawn.”

“Mummy, what’s one thousand and sixty million?”

“Mummy, what is at the end of space?”

“Mummy, do you know, ‘boob’ is a palindrome?”

These questions are not uttered softly so that they merge with a dream state,  they come accompanied with a repeated poking in the back and are loud and proud right in the ear hole – as if needing to be as close to your head as a phone, in order to be heard.

Team this frequent early morning call with the finishing time of a waitressing shift, and you have a face that looks like it’s been around the block a few times. That is until you allow the power of Posh Brats magical organic face creams into your home…

Men: do not switch off – this is the sort of gift that will score you huge points with your other half, mother or mother-in-law (though from my own past experience, cyanide may be a more appropriate choice of gift for the latter…).

This plug does not come requested, I simply waltzed into Macclesfield Bathery and announced “I love your shop. Please can I write about it.” I say these wonderful things simply because it’s objectively brilliant produce.

The cream: under a tenner, smells as good as Jason Lewis looks, sinks into your skin super fast and actually gets rid of spots. I have bought it for a 20 year old and a 79 year old – everyone has raved. In fact I have to hide mine as my son keeps squirting it out and smothering himself in it – which is very unsubtle, as I hear the banging of the toilet lid, followed by grunts of him climbing onto it, a series of “mmmmmmm”s and then an appearance with white blobs of missed cream all over his face and a huge waft of lavender and peppermint. “Mummy, can I borrow some of your cream?” “Erm, I think you already have, given that the entire tub is clinging onto you eyebrows and off your chin…”

Acne? It’s a rocket. I’ve had a friend try it, with great results.

This lady is a chemical cosmetic genius – all that’s needed is for one of these pots to land in an NTA goody bag and the company will have celebrity endorsements left right and centre (I’ve had one of those bags and the three-figure face skincare wasn’t a patch on this affordable organic range).

So what are we talking £80? £50? £20? A tenner…? A mere eight of her majesty’s pounds. And it lasts for ages, as well as saving your face.

It’s no skin off my nose if you buy any but let’s face it, this is spot on.

You can buy Lavender Tea Tree Clearskin Cream from and read more info on other products I’ve blogged here. Please mention this blog in any purchases – if it’s deemed a non-time-waster then I may get to rave about the shampoo too!





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